A to Z of Police Squad

A to D

  Abandoned, A.N.
Name of an abandoned shop, a locksmith's, that Al has located for Lt Drebin and Officer Nordberg. It is located next to Arnie's Pet Shop. [III]
Handbook found in the Abandoned Locksmith. [III]
  Act Two
Act Two: Yankees One [I].
Act Two: Brute [II].
Act Two: Gesundheit [III].
Act Two: Richard III [IV].
Act Two: Ball III [V].
Act Two: Lieber [VI].
  Adison, Kingsley
Young man who wants to marry Terri Burton and is the only witness of her abduction. He plays basketball, and Lt Drebin looks him up and plays with him for a few minutes, in which he manages to score several times. [V]
  Ajax Meats
Shop suffering from neighborhood protection racket. [III]
Al Al
Very tall member of Police Squad, whose face we never get to see. In Episode III, we see him having run into a fire sprinkler. Efficiently locates an abandoned locksmith. In Episode IV, Al needs a haircut. He can be seen sporting a Club Flamingo T-shirt. In Episode V, Ed asks him to throw a drag around the entire lakefront district. He is out of uniform again: wearing non-regulation headgear (a Mexican hat). Later he is wearing a Tuba City T-shirt.
"I am not an animal. I am a human being." [I]
  Arnie's Pet Shop
Shop suffering from neighborhood protection racket. [III]
Back Back
"I drove back to the lab." [II]
Regular visitor of Mr. Olsen at Police Squad Lab.
  Black and white
"Black and white is here." (A zebra.) [V]
After Drebin is finished with suspected bomber Eddie Casales he says to an officer: "Tell that bomber to take off!" [IV]
Sergeant in the police force, with Sgt. Takeheraway. [I]
He's already on the scene.
  Boston Express
Newspaper showing the news that Buddy Briggs has knocked down the Champ: "Chump K.O.'s Champ in Bar Fight" [II]
Buddy Briggs Briggs, Buddy
Boxer who works for Cooper and is hired by Bob Kelley (i.e., Lt Drebin). Kelley tries to convince Briggs that he should go straight, but he doesn't want to die; however, conveniently his wife, Mary, manages to convince him. He can take the champ blindfolded. Kelley does not allow him to have sax before a fight. He is about to go down against the Champ when Mary returns, and wins. Lives in a sewer with Mary's other husband sitting in a cupboard. His dressing gown has a text which reads: "Have you hugged your kid today?" [II]
"Beat it, brushfire." [III]
Luca Burnett Burnett, Luca
Montague Martin's goon Luca. Is responsible for killing the boxer Mike Schultz. Also holds Mary the boxer's wife hostage in Jim's Gym. He says: "Eat lead, copper" to Drebin. Drebin shoots him in the steam room of Jim's Gym: after first having missed, he feels "Now, not so good" and presumably dies. [II]
Mr. Burton and Terri Burton, Mr.
Businessman ("Lt Drebin, what do I do?!" — "I understand you are in the textile business.") whose daughter is kidnapped. He is prepared to pay any ransom that is demanded, but Frank and Ed do not recommend that. Kidnappers are emotionally unstable, and in a previous case Frank had seen how they sent part of the ear of the kidnapped person. He can get the ransom money and puts it in a suitcase along with his clothes. [V]
Mrs. Burton Burton, Mrs.
Mother of Terri who is kidnapped. She picks up the phone when the kidnapper is calling. While Officer Nordberg traces the call, she tries to extend the phone call as long as possible. She asks whether it's cold there (it's warm here) and discusses baseball. She is surprised that her question "When a train leaves New York at 120mph and Pittsburgh at 115mph, which train arrives first in Chicago" is answered correctly. After "Why do ducks fly south in winter? Because it's too long to walk." the kidnapper hangs up — it was a difficult question. [V]
  Burton, Terri
Daughter of Mr Burton, who is kidnapped from the Japanese Garden at her birthday party, where she'd made a wish and blown the cake away from the candles. When her father learns that she might be held near the lakefront, he says that she's a needle in a haystack, but Frank disagrees: she's very pretty (a bit thin perhaps, according to Ed). [V]
The butler did it. [V]
Eddie Casales Casales, Eddie
Convicted of bombing about six or seven years ago. Sent up by Judge Maxwell. The name rings a bell. Remembered by Frank as being a pretty tough customer. File: age 40, sentenced twelve years Statesville Prison for two counts, wilful destruction of property, possession of explosive without a permit, no previous felony record, parole last month after serving seven years, model prisoner according to the picture in the file. Eddie wears a jacket with "Penn. State" on the front and "State pen" on the back. Just in time he makes sure Lana's bombing of Mimi Du Jour's flat fails. Eddie: "Piece of cake." Frank: "No thank you, I've just eaten." He is a baseball fan. He has season tickets to the Milwaukee Brewers and even breaks parole to see a game. [IV]
Lana Casales Casales, Lana
Eddie's ex-wife. Divorced while Eddie was in prison. She buried herself in charity work (currently the "Orphans Relief Fund") to ease the pain. At first she and Eddie had a good marriage, regular job, close friends, a dentist. She thought it would last forever. Slowly he began to change. When Eddie's criminal activities became known they were run out of town like common pygmies. Wearing gloves, men's shoes and trousers under her dress she is responsible for two bombings and is caught when she tries to bomb Mimi Du Jour's flat. Two officers run her in. [IV]
The Champ Champ, The
Boxing champion who hasn't won an honest fight in his life. Nobody says "Forget it" to him. Quote: "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, I'm gonna break your face!" Loses the fight from Buddy Briggs. When asked how many fingers he can see, he answers: "Thursday". [II]
A little hunchback at the office. [I]
Cherry and Galena Cherry and Galena
Drebin agrees to meet Sally Decker corner Cherry and Galena. This intersection of two otherwise parallel streets exists in Milwaukee, WI. [I]
Yes, I know.
  Conrad, William
Special guest star of Episode VI who is stabbed and thrown out of a car.
  Cleveland Arena
Place where the boxing match between the Champ and Briggs takes place. Adds to the confusion where Police Squad is situated. [II]
We're working around the clock. [V]
  Club Flamingo
The logo of this club is a guy clubbing a flamingo. Bartender: Ricardo. Mimi du Jour works here as a chorus girl. When Frank comes in after being asked by Mimi to come to the club rightaway, an attendant asks Drebin to "check his coat", and puts a huge checkmark on his overcoat (which, unlike Ed, he's not usually wearing, but he's just bought a new one after their visit to Lana). [IV]
  Club Rightaway
No idea where that is. [IV]
  Coffee [Recurring element]
"Yes, I know." [V]
Sal Cooper Cooper, Sal
Manager of Buddy Briggs and Mike Schultz, who works for Montague Martin. Loses a poker game (a full house beats a straight) and hence Buddy Briggs to Drebin. "A Joe named Cooper". Cooper owns a piece of just about any boxer in town. [II]
Sally Decker Decker, Sally
Cashier at the ACME Finance Credit Union. Used to be Joe Sirlow's [?] girl until she got involved in the numbers; formerly Babs Caltrane, notorious gun runner in Memphis; before that she was a brunette hitman named Zazu Pitts [?]; and before that she sang backup for Aretha Franklin; she also did a stint with the marines and re-upped.
Sally has debts with her orthodontist Dr Zubatsky. Because Jim Johnson can't cover up for her any longer she shoots Ralph Twice (once) and then Jim, making it look as if Ralph shot him. After this double killing she steals $1200 and pays Zubatsky in full. [I]
Tony DeWonderful DeWonderful, Tony
Lt Drebin's stage name. He has a hugely successful act (much unlike his standing in for Enrico Palazzo where he can't sing the national anthem), in Mr. V's. He gets the job, because the favoured Nicky Macbreen is booked by Ed for taping the game and asking a couple of bucks for it to friends (without written consent by the Commissioner). The audience greatly enjoys his performance; his jokes are even translated into Japanese. Solves a situation with Larry Layne where Veronica Rivers is threatened with a gun. Veronica thinks he took a great chance but "You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street and sticking your face into a fan". Ed obtains a signed photograph of him. [VI]
  Doctor, The
Takes part in drugs trafficking. He is arrested and taken away in the middle of surgery. [VI]
Sergeant Lieutenant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant Police Squad, a special detail of the Police Department. Our hero, what more can we say?
Mimi Du Jour, Mimi
Stage name of Mimi Coffee. She works as a chorus girl at the Club Flamingo. A floozy that Eddie hangs out with. When Frank and Ed come in, she says: "Is this some kind of bust?!" "Yes, it's very impressive, but we just like to ask a few questions." When she tells Casales she has confirmed his alibi, he says "Good girl", pats her on the chin, and her teeth fall out. Later she asks Drebin to come to the club rightaway, where she says: "I lied, I never took him to the movies." "What?!" "I LIED, I NEVER TOOK HIM TO THE MOVIES!" [IV]

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