A to Z of Police Squad

I to L

Japanese Garden Japanese Garden
Garden where Terri Burton is kidnapped by what turns out to be the butler. It is called the Japanese Garden because at least six potted Japanese people are alive there. There is also a Rock Garden, where the ransom note attached to a window is found. [V]
Jill Jill
Dance teacher who is visited by two thugs Joe and Rock; the latter beats her up. She looks bad, but not that bad. Frank introduces himself to her as Captain Drebin. Her business is not going well, because she cannot pay $50. She finds the undercover police protection that Ed has kindly provided somewhat disruptive. [III]
Thug who works for Dutch Gunderson, with Rock (and rock). [III]
Small-time criminal and entertainer at Mr. V's, who is poisoned by Veronica Rivers. Suspected of keeping money meant for The Frenchman, Veronica drops a tablet in Joey's drink (although it looks like she drops it in her own glass). On the way home in his car, he hallucinates: first he sees a skull repeating Veronica's words ("Tell the Frenchman I'll take care of everything"), then he is attacked by Star Wars vessels, then he thinks he is in a roller-coaster, and finally, before losing control, he sees an old Three Stooges movie. According to the coroner, the car accident is a typical 415, i.e. the body was found 415ft away from the car. The crash didn't kill him: it was a drug overdose. According to police records (he was a police informer) he was born in Philadelphia in 1942. He was in and out of foster homes until the age of 15, tried a swish home and fought Larry Holmes. Last known address was a Mobile home in Alabama. Married one child, but that didn't work out so he married a grown woman. [VI]
Johnny the Snitch Johnny [Recurring element]
The man to see about the word on the street.
– In Episode I Johnny helps Drebin with the double killing at the ACME Credit Union. He also has information on life after death: "Are you talking existential being or anthropomorphic deity?".
– In Episode II, Drebin uses Johnny to find out where Mary the boxer's wife is held hostage. The next customer is a surgeon, who needs help for a heart surgery.
Episode III: See also Dutch Gunderson. Is able to give Drebin photostats of some of Dutch's business deals. A fire chief asks for help because there is a fire at the Brubaker Building (a furniture warehouse).
– He supplies Debrin with information on Eddie Casales in Episode IV and helps Dr. Joyce Brothers with problems she received on the "Cinderella complex".
Episode V: Johnny directs Drebin to the El Tubadero Club, a new tuba club near a gas station. The manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, Tommy Lasorda, asks him if they need a another starter. Johnny suggests five pitchers.
– In Episode VI Johnny knows everything about illegal narcotics. The city is bone dry owing to the instable political situation in Latin America, but action will happen tonight at Mr. V's. Dick Clark, the famous music show host, appears, wanting to know everything about Ska and taking some of Johnny's secret-formula youth cream, which he puts on, startling even Johnny.
  Johnson, Jim
Teller at the ACME Finance Credit Union. Manages to file the document he is working on when Sally shoots him. [I]
Regular visitor of Mr. Olsen of the Police Squad Lab.
"... your little keystore." "What about my keister?" "Keystore." [III]
House keys, car keys, Florida Keys, Francis Scott Keys, Honkeys, Turkeys and Pot Roast. [III]
Lab Lab [Recurring element]
The Police Squad Lab, skillfully manned by Mr Olsen.
– In Episode I, the experiment Mr Olsen is explaining is condensation ("just like when your mother gets out of the shower, glistening with tiny little beads of..."), and next week he'll continue with interesting experiments with discarded swimwear.
– In Episode II, Katie is sitting in the electric chair holding a light bulb. Just when Mr Olsen is about to pull the switch, Drebin comes in, and Katie runs along now ("next time bring three things from your mother's dresser"). Two whiskers have been found, the one on the left belongs to Schultz and the other belongs to the killer. The lab has no difficulty establishing that that facial hair belongs to Luca Burnett.
– In Episode III, Billy is being taught about static electricity ("It's just like when your mom takes a dress out of the dryer, puts it on and it clings to every subtle curve and soft, round...") Next week, Billy needs to bring those magazines found under his father's bed. See further under Rock.
– A cat is held under water in Episode IV to show Katie that air-breathing species have lungs. Next week Mr Olsen will teach her why women can't play professional football. Ted also has decaffeinated coffee for Frank, and from the Courthouse debris he has managed to reconstruct part of the courtroom. In the debris the remains of seven household chemicals, which together in the right proportions is highly unstable.
– In Episode V, gravity is explained by dropping a bowling ball and Dr. Shanebaum from next door. Next week the subject will be ten things you can do with a carrot. Olsen has managed to isolate the sound of the voice from the background, and thinks he can hear a fog horn and a bell, which points to the ocean — or the lakefront district.
– In Episode VI, Katie learns about displacement of molecules. Her Crying Judy doll is mashed up in a centrifuge to illustrate the point. Next week, she'll learn why cows look forward to giving milk. A car, picked up at the docks by Lt Drebin, is "dirty", i.e. drugs are expected in it. The car, a cleanly polished Continental, is completely destroyed, by Ed, Frank, Nordberg and Olsen, while singing a slave song. Eventually the drugs are found in the glove compartment. The car is neatly put together again, albeit to an entirely different model (a Corvair).
Jerry Layne and Lester Layne, Jerry
Ventriloquist who appears under his own name in Episode VI threatening Frank (as Tony DeWonderful) and Veronica Rivers because he also wants to appear in Mr. V's. His puppet is called Lester. [VI]
Jerry Layne's puppet, who is far less gullible than Jerry. Knows what a cigarette is. [VI]
  Lincoln, Abraham
Rex Hamilton "also stars" as Abraham Lincoln, albeit only in the opening scene. A picture of President Lincoln is hanging in Judge J. Oliver Maxwell's courtroom. [IV]
"Who are you and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith." [III]

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